Motivation

Recently, I've just been feeling quite down in the dumps. I know the reason that started this is very very silly and you might even laugh at me, but it's a serious matter to me..

I lost my phone a few days ago. Omg I think this was my last photo taken with my beloved phone T.T I seriously liked my iPhone 4S, you have to agree its one of the most versatile iPhones ever! Seriously don't wanna use any vulgarities but I just feel it's so unfair. FYI, it was a great way to end a great week at MTV World Stage 2014. We were all so happy and lucky that day. I won a pair of tickets from ChurpChurp, bought a pair for my friends and managed to sell off one for a profit. Then my bf and another friend won us a pair of Platinum Entry Pass for the after party at SOJU. Platinum! And I couldn't even enjoy myself. The crowd this year was so tame, so there were no difficulties entering the Surf Beach at all, unlike last year. We even got ushered to X-Zone aka VIP Zone for free. Enjoyed ourselves so much and when B.o.B came out, everyone rushed forward to crowdsurf and touch his hand. I couldn't reach for his hand but it was nice to see an artiste close up. Suddenly..  My bf turned to me and ask if I took my phone back because it was initially in his pocket. I didn't. And I knew then that someone stole it. In the midst of a crazy chaotic crowd no less. And I wasn't the only one, a few others lost theirs too so we bet it was a syndicate who planned it. Damn, those jerks are fast cos no one felt anything. And I happened to be one of the unlucky ones. Guess my luck ran out.. 

This is a bad week for me to be left alone at home.. Bf just went back today, housemates went to Thailand and my hostel toilet flush and lights are spoiled. I have to shower in the dark -.- Seriously I am so unmotivated to do anything. I haven't instagrammed for two days, I think I should get an award for that LOL.I have assignments and blog posts due, but all I wanna do is sleep and eat. I know I'm supposed to save money but I really just wanna... Shop to elevate my mood. Talk about retail therapy. Ugh. Seriously Rinn, pull yourself back together. 

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I also just feel so... Ugly lately. Yes, ugly. I don't think I've ever had any serious self-esteem issues, even when people tease about my height. I believe that's my unique feature that makes me stand out from the rest. And it's quite thick-skinnes, but I do enjoy being different. I am never one to be quiet and stay in a corner, I'm a small girl with a loud personality (and voice). 

I really put a lot of time and effort into the project. Really. I didn't even get a day of rest during the 2-weeks holiday as I stayed up everynight to do some admin work for the girls, find sponsorship, complete my work and rush blog posts. I had my outfit planned right from the start, did my beauty regime and all the night before.. Maybe it was all that late night staying up, the crying that caused me to look like that hahaha. But in the end, it might also be due to my own expectation and I just felt so.. ugly by the end of everything. It really left an impact on me. 

I've also been super super busy. Like I said, I have so many things to do, so many responsibilities to take up. School has just reopened and it's my last sem. I'm going into the working world soon, if all goes well... Wow. And I'm still struggling with the present, how am I going to cope with the future? After one project or task is over, I have another one that pops up. I think Freshies' Night was a success, but it could've gone way better. Guess the organiser always has doubts about herself.. :(

And then there's the fact that my blog views have been going down, and I've been getting less and less exposure and approach even from sponsors. Where's my luck, my oomph? I sound so stupid and vain right? But that's just how every blogger feels, I guess. I bet you've felt that way at least once too - underappreciated.

I really felt so dejected. So tired. I'm not proud of who I am and what I do anymore. I just want to complete the tasks, but I feel no sense of satisfaction in the end. I want to put my head down, cos I'm afraid of what people will think of me.. I'm so busy that I sometimes don't even have time to eat or bathe or do my nightly facial regime now. Don't judge and call me vain, I know every girl has felt like that at least once in her life..

Ah, enough of my complaints....

My friends have been telling me to cheer up and take care. Don't be so attached to material goods! I guess what they say makes sense.. These things do happen and it's beyond my control, no use crying over split milk and moping all day. But I'm really angry that those idiots had to steal and rob. Why do they have to ruin other people's night like that?! Not only me and the people who lost their phones, but my friends and their friends too who had to stop having fun to help us look for our phones. I feel so bad for ruining my friends' good time... And the money I've saved to go on vacation, I have to use it to buy a new phone now.. I've also talked to my bf about my emotions. And he said something that really made me think hard... Why am I doing all these for? In the past, my objective for stepping into the blogging world is to share my thoughts and happiness with the world. Right now, all my blogging objectives have changed. I'm only rushing sponsored posts everyday, where's the sense of satisfaction? Where's the joy I want to spread? I know, I feel guilty for not updating more on MY life, there's so much happy things and nice places or food or things that I see that I want to share with my readers but these deadlines are restricting me.

No, I should STOP being like this. I must find that motivation again. I must find that confidence, that passion to drive me to do better. It's time to be stronger and look forward to the future. I have to buck up and be prepared for the challenges ahead of me! 

To any of you who felt like this before, I'll be honest and tell you that reality is brutal. But you have to know that this is only part and parcel of life. So, my advice to you is to find happiness in everything you do, in every day. As cliche as it seems, you only live once and what is life if it's not full of activities everyday? I thank my boyfriend and loving friends around me who have encouraged me all these while. I am touched by all the calls, gestures and texts that really warmed my heart. I am more driven than ever to continue doing what I love. Thank you for bringing me back on my feet again.