Straight-up Confession About My Insecurities [Nuffnang x Invisalign]

Since young, I'm always known as "that small girl". Almost everyone I know are taller than me and if you asked them who their tiniest friend was, all fingers would point to me. I love shopping, but sometimes shopping is a problem for me. I can't wear some of the nice clothes I see because sometimes even size S is too big for me. People do make jokes about me shopping in the kids' department and you know what? I actually have an embarrasing secret to share regarding that. I had NEVER intended to share this story but now I felt compelled to as it seems to fit the topic. Mind you, I've had my fair share of embarrassing mishaps but this is one that I feel is quite funny to share XD

Last year, I was elected as the Head of Organising Committee for Freshies' Night in my uni. We spent about 3 months planning the whole thing and because I was so busy overseeing everything, I didn't even have the chance to properly shop for a proper traditional wear to suit the theme. I LITERALLY bought my traditional clothes the night before the event.

I was supposed to meet my friends Erica and Dan that night for dinner before shopping. Having no car in KL, we could only scour all the shops in Sunway Pyramid that sells anything remotely 'traditional'. And man, not only are the sizes not suitable for me, they are not cheap! In the end, Dan jokingly suggested that I go shop at the kids' section. Reluctantly, I let them drag me to the kids section to find something 'cos we were running out of time. And sad to say (?), the kids' baju kurung that they chose for me was a perfect fit! Oh man..... 

The most embarrassing part was at the counter when we wanted to pay. Dan casually mentioned that the dress was for his "little niece" so the cashier wouldn't suspect. She smirked and asked who were we buying the clothes for? We all tried not to laugh but I couldn't help it and confessed with my sweetest, brightest smile that it was for me. The cashier laughed, we all did. She actually said there was nothing to be embarrased about because she used to shop in the kids' department too! But hey, at least I was honest and it lightened the mood! All it takes is a big smile and some courage to save any embarrasing situation, right? And guess how much was the baju kurung? It was RM24 only, talk about saving money! XD

Until today, only 6 people know the truth about "The Baju Kurung" - Erica, Daniel, Eunice, my mum, my bf and me, of course. And here I am today, spelling it out to the world about my embarrassing story! My team will never look at me the same way again cos I refused to tell them where I bought the clothes initially XD

In a baju kurung meant for kids 11-12 years. Yeap.

Well, guess I won't be bringing this secret to my grave anymore.

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While we're on the topic of being honest, I have another confession to make. Please don't laugh at me ok :( As I've stressed many times on my blog, I'd like to keep it honest as a blogger and as a person so my readers can really relate to me. Yes, that noisy, small girl has insecurities too. Apart from my height, I've always been insecure about my teeth as well. Everyone has to go through an awkward phase in their life. Everyone has their insecurities about their physical appearace, something thay're not pleased about and wish they could change. For me, it's my teeth. I don't have the straight teeth, at all. Luckily for me, that is something that can be changed with some minor help from surgery (plastic surgery is too drastic for me, tbh). You know, I want straight teeth so badly that many times, I dream that I lost all my teeth and woke up in a panic! Talk about nightmares. This is quite a personal post for me as I've never been so open with my insecurities..

My mum wanted me to wear braces when I was younger but my dad was skeptical because he said braces were 'ugly'. I didn't care much nor knew what braces were really for back then so I didn't argue with him. Now, I extremely regret it. We even went to the government hospital to get my teeth checked.. They told me to go back for a second time and I did. Then they told me to go back for a third time.. And for some reason, we just gave up and never went for the last checkup. Who knew maybe that would've been my chance to get braces and ultimately, nice straight teeth T.T

If you patiently go through my Facebook or Instagram feed, you'll find that most of my photos are of me with my mouth closed. Look, ALL my selfies are taken with pursed lips (or pouts).

Hashtag #perasan hashtag #syioksendiri

WHY? Because my teeth are crooked! I not only have buck teeth, my two front teeth are slightly pointed IN, just like the letter V! My dad used to tease me when I was young that if he needed to type any word with the letter 'V' in it, he will have to use my front teeth -_- I totally regret messing with my teeth using my tongue now, I am SO not going to let my kid do that in the future. My sister has nice teeth because my parents stopped her from ruining her teeth the way I did. So, I guess I'm the guinea pig because everyone in my family has nice teeth except me. You should see how straight my dad's teeth are. It's like he's had braces put on but in fact they're perfect without braces at all.

Not only do I have buck teeth, I have crooked bottom teeth too. When I was about 6, I had to have a bottom tooth extracted which never grew back until all the other teeth had fully developed. That sudden growth of the new tooth messed up the alignment of my bottom row of teeth properly, as you can see it sticking out like a sore thumb. My top two front teeth are also uneven with one slightly bigger than the other. Doesn't help that I have shapeless thick lips as well haha. I also have a bit of an overbite which makes chewing inconvenient at times.

Can't smile cutely, oh my :D My baby cousin actually saw this photo and said, 'scared me' XD

Thus, I have since developed a 'strategy' when it comes to taking photos! I also hardly ever smile with my teeth showing when I'm having photos taken with my friends. I just feel soooo uncomfortable with my teeth. So most of the phtoos will look like this - everyone having a great time & flashing their pearly whites while I look like a funny potato with my pursed lips. Um, awkward much? 

Shoutout to Dan and Erica for keeping the secret for me till this very day. :p

Must be nice to be able to bare all your teeth when smiling haha.

Frankly, I'm getting pretty sick of looking like a tight-lipped bitter old lady all the time.

It's even worse when I wear glasses.. I can't show my teeth, AT ALL. I really envy those girls who can take no filter, no makeup, hair-pushed-back-from-their-face-wearing-comfy-sweats-at-home-kinda selfies because I don't feel confident enough to do that D: Somehow, the insecurities increased after I cut my hair (but that still doesn't stop me from posting lots of photos haha :D) Hmm, if only I can change my teeth as fast as I change my hairstyle lol.

Don't get me wrong. I do smile, just not with my teeth showing. Unless it's from a) the left side of my face (cos I think that's my good side and my teeth don't look all that crooked from the side), b) taken with the blurry front camera, or c) from very far away.

See how cute my niece's cheeky smile is!

Love how happy we all look!

Spot me!

My boyfriend likes to ask me, "Why do you always smile with your mouth closed? I love your smile, smile for me too!" Kinda sad that I can't do that 'cos I look so weird when I smile so most of our photos end up like this ._.

His signature smile that everyone praises him for and my potato face xD

Most of the friends around me have worn/ are wearing braces before, how I envy them! Only 2-4 years of brace face for a lifetime of beautiful pearly whites haha :D

Can I has braces too?

Check out her fine, straight teeth and my awkward molars haha.

I dislike candid shots because I think I look bad most of the time. It's very rare to find a nice candid shot of me that I like! Honestly, I can't even upload some photos or are forced to remove tags because because my teeth 'ruined' them. :( 

Photo source

Candid shot taken at Carousell Meetup last year. Awkward teeth?

Photo source

...Much better.

Photo source

I love this photo of us bridesmaids on Audrey's wedding day but not my protruding teeth -_-

All dolled up but still the most awkward photoshoot for me because my teeth were protruding :(

Not only candids, but I don't like having videos of me taken either as I feel very uncomfortable if I have to speak in front of the camera. Then people would see my teeth :(

See how I dance at the start of the video? You could almost feel the awkwardness.

I hate feeling that way. I dislike feeling bad or unconfident about myself because of one imperfection.  I've never got around trying out sports in high school because I was insecure abut my size. Now, I feel something else is holding me back. I always loved watching YouTube videos and I would love to start my own YouTube channel one day but I am insecure about my looks, my teeth. I feel bad for the fact that one little imperfection can make me feel so much inhibition and stop me from trying out new things. But I know, I should embrace my flaws and work my way towards paying for my braces. I'm lucky and grateful in a sense that I still have all my healthy teeth, right? I never thought of myself as pretty because that would be conceited, but I would like to be a happy person. I still enjoy making ugly faces and laughing out loud without cover my mouth because it's nice to express your joy openly. I am also blessed with people who love me for who I am and not how I look! :)

I've always told my friends that "My first paycheck will be going into my mouth." And I am trying very hard to save up now for that dream to come true. Hopefully, I'll be able to save up enough and get my braces or Invisalign done by the end of this year and be one step closer to getting straight teeth. I want braces so much that it has come to a point where I am jealous whenever another friend gets braces LOL. It seems like a shallow dream to have but it's what I've always wanted. Doesn't matter if having braces hurts or looks bad cos no pain, no gain right XD It will also my motivation to save money! And when the day comes when I finally get to wear braces, I'll definitely wear it loud and proud like a medal! Oh, and the retainers after that too, must consistently wear. One step closer towards showing the happy, bubbly side of me again :D

Going back through this post, I'm amazed that I made it through all these stages of my life with what I was born with and I couldn't be more thankful. Thanks, Nuffnang and Invisalign organisers for giving me the chance to write about this. I feel much better now that I pen down my feelings :)

CHEERS!

Love,

Carinn ♥

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